The last time I attended the Monday night mecca that is 'Rehab' was my first weekend in Chicago. That was August 2009. It was memorable. Lots of PBR, new friends, multiple sets of tortoise shell glasses, and deep V's were abundant. It was still held at Evil Olive (get it? how clever) and I was with my good friend JK. Beers were just $1 and oh, I got a hj on the dance floor. Thats right. It was discrete, but definitely skin on skin. I believe Rick Astley was playing. Im not proud of it, but I was a bit tipsy and the girl had a blonde rats nest for a hairdo with lots of ink covering her arms. Don't worry, I didn't allow it to get messy. Just you know, one more thing to cross off my bucket list.

Well guess what? Im drunk, it's 2 in the morning, and I just left my second trip to 'Rehab'. Thanks Jeana for taking me out and showing me a good time. It's held at Debonair now and PBR was bumped up from 1 to $2. Other than that, the music still sucks, it's still crowded and kids with too many accessories are abundant. Sticking together, insecure and what not, clinging to their shared vodka sodas. Underage girls! You are all wearing the same black leather jacket! All five of you! Oh man, did that boy just look at you? giggle giggle har har.

Things experienced tonight with Mean Jean:

1. A kid with an A symmetrical haircut recognizes a girl he knows.

'Oh my God, how are you?' He says with such enthusiasm.

'I just got a boob job!' She is smiling ear to ear.

Lots of hugging and touching and groping and hilarity ensues.

2. A little person jumping and dodging and cutting through the crowd.

AND? He was dressed as a fucking Oompa Loompa. What? yes. I will laugh at you

and I will point at you and I will draw attention to you because you dressed as a fucking Oompa Loompa.

3. A girl I would have found attractive if she weighed half as much as she did. Or I would might have found her attractive if she had a good personality or didn't wear clothes that were busting at the seams.

4. The guy with the mohawk dancing on the table next to us. I'm guessing the table was sturdy cuz you looked like Adam Richman with a Chicago flag tattoo gracing your left arm. Man v Food v Gravity.

Regardless, Jeana and I had fun. Fist pumps and all that crap. No 8th grade sexual acts were encountered this time around. I had new jeans on anyways (super tight, would have hurt). The slutty chick from my first trip will always be in my thoughts. Even though I saw her making out with another guy on the way out. Heart crushed.

Never going to give you up.

Never going to let you down my ass.