label it a day already.

its a hole in my chest. a cavity empty and blank. its a hole in my chest and my stomach. its my whole goddamn torso. a vacant lot telling me to go fuck myself. A monster eating away, creating a crevice that knows no limits. the flood lights are on and the sirens are going strong. its a warning, listen intently and please take precautions. build up one’s control before you lose it. its a hole in my chest and my stomach and my heart. It’s a hole in my goddamn heart. It whispers discouraging whispers and stomps its feet when it walks. Heavy footed, it’ll keep moving from morning to night but never goes anywhere. Its a fucking badger with claws. Claws that are sharper than sharp. Sharp like broken glass. But stronger than glass. Like steel. A badger with claws that are very sharp and stronger than glass. Its a window that is now broken. It was once a beautiful, wall to wall bay window that was shattered by a brick. The brick lays on the hardwood floor, amid shards of broken badger claws with a note attached telling me to go fuck myself. Wait, its not a beautiful bay window, but a beautiful mansion up on the hill. A beautiful mansion up on the hill that was swiftly demolished, it’s occupants now living in a small tent beside it. Cold, wet, desperate. Its a hole in my goddamn heart. Wide yellow eyes stare into my own. Its a wolf, like the Nothing. and im Atreyu. Milky yellow eyes penetrates everything i’ve built up. Sees right through the transparent defenses. Today is empty and blank, a perfect day for a bananafish. Today is cold and barren. Chicago is futile. Its a hole in my chest and my stomach and my heart and my life. Its been eating away for seven years and doesn’t show any signs of fatigue. Its appetite is unbelievable. It’s grown to an unbelievable size. Behind the desk and next to boxes of old rollingstones and boy’s life. It’s gotten so big, too large and can’t stay there no more. It cries louder than loud. The black bandana tied around it’s mouth does nothing to muffle the obscenities. It hates me. One massive, colossal fucking hole. It’s AT&T destroying the concrete at Milwaukee and Western. Digging up wires and cutting eight lanes down to four. Its a seven year pledge drive on NPR. Its annoying and all encompassing. It’s Terry Gross 24/7 and my car radio wont turn off. The knobs are broken and the cd player’s busted. Its a hole in my goddamn heart.

cool the jets, family is important. friends are too. friends are important but tend to fade like black jeans. family is like white jeans, they dont fade, just wear thin. they stay intact unless some jackass decides to slice through the fabric and make then shorts. but summer only lasts so long. June, July, August, perhaps there's an indian summer. but you’ll need pants again, winter can be fucking rough. And unlike friends, you cant go out and buy new family.

sorry, im wrong. they’re not like jeans.