When the lady asked my name, i was hesitant to respond. Eyes that lead every question made me so. With music playing loud, the macbook shook with enthusiasm. Steven, i said. My name is steven. You can call me Adam. WTF? her look read. WTF? her body said. One swift kick to the shin left will leave a bruise, but one swift kick to the chin will make bone break. Or turn black. Bone black you freak. Then wired shut, then maybe stupid fucking questions will never be posed. Outside the walls, just on the other side of the door, whispers and laughs run galore. Hang my body, tie the noose, let my problems give to the floor. I can rhyme Drake and I'll never thank you later. Not even now. Everyone knows you're the crippled kid from degrassi. Doctor you up, thug you up. Never going to change. you're always gonna be two-wheeled jim jim.

In my dreams I'm a paraplegic video vixen.

DJ NAME: PARAPLEGIC VIDEO VIXEN or DEPENDS ON MENS

Today i stamped out a baby bird like the last dying ember of a lit cigarette.

woke up by older sister. call came just before midnight. silenced the ring, a text followed. call me, asap it read. she answered after one ring. 'came home to find dad' her voice was heavy. 'on his back and lucky to be alive.' wtfg. how 'bout you kill off another family member. got to be fucking kidding me.

I molested a dinosaur today. He was reluctant, but I was firm. Both in body and mind. Have you ever fucked a brontosaurus? He says no, but he really means yes. Flipping him over, he wanted dinner first. Where are the flowers he roared. I need some damn roses. Shut the fuck up, I responded before I duct taped his mouth shut. So proud of all the things i have done.

itching.

need to start something relevant. like something that will find a place in the spectrum of all things important. maybe a new blog. one with cute dogs dressed up as hip kids. perhaps kittens in deep v's. who knows. maybe i'll write a song that people will hum. just really want to write a song that people will hum with lots of keys and air horns. just have to create something that people will enjoy. got to convince people the shit i write is something. like I really need to step it up. if i start a relevant blog, i can be snarky and then i'll get a book deal. definitely need to be jaded. then with my book deal i'll convince authentic bookstores to sell my book based on my blog about cats in deep v's. just need to start something relevant. maybe something offensive. we'll see, work in progress.

I listen to shitty bands everyday. Especially those I plan on seeing at sxsw this year. it will be my second spring in austin experiencing this festival. this week I am going with the company i work for. Shitty bands and good bands. it should be a grand time. find more info at www.austincarniville.com. the full lineup will be there along with additional info. Second year? how fun. How fun. I miss my dog.